Marriage is like a delicate soufflé—it needs the right ingredients, patience, and just the right amount of heat. But some habits are like a hungry raccoon in your kitchen—they will ruin everything! So, here’s a hilarious yet serious list of things that can assassinate your happily-ever-after.
1. Laziness
Marriage is teamwork, not a Netflix marathon where one person does all the work while the other “supervises” from the couch. If your idea of helping is saying, "Babe, you're doing great!"—you’re on thin ice.
2. Suspicion
If your spouse takes five minutes longer to get home, and you're already conducting a full-scale FBI investigation, calm down. Not every delay is a secret rendezvous—sometimes, it’s just traffic or a battle with a stubborn parking meter.
3. Lack of Trust
If you don’t trust your spouse, then why did you even say "I do?" Trust is the WiFi connection of marriage—without it, everything buffers indefinitely.
4. Lack of Mutual Respect
You married a life partner, not a doormat. If you wouldn’t say it to your boss or best friend, don’t say it to your spouse. Respect is the glue, and without it, things fall apart faster than a cheap IKEA shelf.
5. Unforgiveness, Bitterness, Hatred, Malice, and Anger
Holding grudges is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick. If your spouse forgot your birthday five years ago, maybe it’s time to let it go.
6. Unnecessary Arguments
Do you really need to fight about which way the toilet paper roll should face? (Okay, fine, it should go over, but still, pick your battles!)
7. Keeping Secrets from Your Spouse
Hiding shopping receipts, secret social media accounts, or an entire family in another country? Yeah, that’ll definitely end in disaster.
8. Infidelity (Financial, Emotional, Psychological, Material, etc.)
Spending more time flirting with your phone than your spouse? Or spending money like you own the Federal Reserve? Yeah, that’s called financial and emotional cheating—just as bad as the bedroom kind.
9. Poor Communication
If "I'm fine" actually means "I'm furious," and "Do whatever you want" actually means "You better not," you both need to work on clear communication.
10. Lies
Even "Honey, I’m five minutes away" when you’re still at home in your underwear counts. Keep it real.
11. Prioritizing Parents Over Your Spouse
If your mom still makes all your life decisions, congratulations! You’re married to her, not your actual spouse.
12. Lack of or Unenjoyable Intimacy
Let’s be honest—marriage without intimacy is just a long, unpaid internship.
13. Nagging
If you sound like a broken fire alarm every time you talk, expect your spouse to develop selective hearing.
14. Too Much Talk and Careless Talk
Sharing everything with your spouse is great. Sharing every tiny, unnecessary detail? Maybe not.
15. Spending Little Time Together
If you spend more quality time with your coworkers than your spouse, don’t be surprised if your marriage starts feeling like a business arrangement.
16. Being Too Independent-Minded
“I don’t need anyone!” is a great mantra for single people—not married ones. A relationship is a partnership, not a solo project.
17. Love for Partying, Money, and Impulse Buying
If your idea of budgeting is “buy now, worry later,” you’re heading for a financial and marital crisis.
18. Exposing Your Spouse's Inadequacies to Your Family
Your parents don’t need to know that your spouse can't cook or snores like a tractor. Some things should stay inside the marriage.
19. Neglecting Spiritual Practices
A couple that prays together, stays together. And if praying isn't your thing, at least meditate together—or just take a deep breath before arguing.
20. Spurning Correction and Reprimand
If your spouse says, “Maybe you should work on your temper,” and you respond with, “MAYBE YOU SHOULD WORK ON NOT ANNOYING ME,” you just proved their point.
21. Always Wearing a Sad Face
If your spouse feels like they’re living with Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, it’s time to lighten up.
22. Extreme Feminism or Male Chauvinism
Equality is key. If one of you acts like the supreme ruler of the marriage, expect a rebellion.
23. Uncontrolled Temper
Screaming, throwing things, or treating your spouse like an unpaid intern? Yeah, that won’t end well.
24. Not Understanding Your Role
Marriage isn’t just about sharing a bed—it’s about sharing responsibilities. If you don’t know yours, expect chaos.
25. Ignoring Your Spouse's Needs
Emotional, spiritual, physical—if you ignore any of these, don’t be surprised when your spouse starts acting like a neglected houseplant.
26. Threatening the Security of Your Spouse
If your partner feels like they have to walk on eggshells around you, your marriage is already cracking.
27. Lack of Knowledge of and Obedience to the Word of God
Even if you're not religious, marriage needs guidance—whether from God, therapy, or a very wise grandma.
Final Words of Wisdom
Marriage isn’t about perfection; it’s about commitment, compromise, and maybe a little bit of bribery with snacks. Keep your relationship alive by avoiding these “marriage murderers” and, most importantly—laugh often, love deeply, and never stop choosing each other.
Comments